And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
