I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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