I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
