his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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