WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
