i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
