Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My ATM looks so different sober.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
