i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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