My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize