I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
