you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
