Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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