dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
