Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
