In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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