Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just tell him i said nine months
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
