I just saw a hot homeless man
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
