I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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