You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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