Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
