Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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