I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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