I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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