I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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