i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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