kristin has been a bad kristin
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
