You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
