Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
