Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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