You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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