I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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