I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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