is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
