i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
