and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
