so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
