She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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