At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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