Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!