You really coming over, don't trick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
