There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go