New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly