So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.