You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.