I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men