One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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