so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
