So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize