I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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