i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
