You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
