I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
