he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
