my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
