They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
