we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
