Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
