I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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