Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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