Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a hot homeless man
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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