just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
