Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
