did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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