I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
