I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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